My kids say loads of funny things. This is a compilation of some of their best.
Me – Right, so I have to pick up all this mess do I? Ryan – Mum, look at my hands. now tell me, are they big? Me – Well they were certainly big enough when it came to making the mess. Ryan – My hands are tiny, yours are huge. people with tiny hands are good at making mess, big hands are for picking stuff up. _______________________________________________Ryan (sings) – We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas.
Me – I love that song, where did you hear that ?
Ryan – I didn’t hear it anywhere I made it up myself.
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Harry – The cows have milk in their bums. _________________________________________________Me- What shall we have for breakfast Ryan?
Ryan- Would you like to try my Dad’s nuts?
(There was a bag of pistachios on the counter…)
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Ryan- Mum, what would you like for Christmas? Me- umm. Ryan- Oh I’ve got a great idea. We could get you a rope so if anyone ever got stuck on the roof you could save them.. ________________________________________________Ryan – I have a sore finger.
Me- Ok let’s play doctors, oh dear that’s a very sore finger, here’s a bandaid and you’ll have to keep it clean and dry and not jump around, it’ll be better in three days.
Ryan – Thank you Doctor.
Me- Next patient please.
(Harry comes over)
Me- hello I’m Doctor Mum, what can I do for you today?
Harry- I’ll just have a coffee thanks.
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Harry – It’s too hot, i want to go to Botany Pool and shit in it.
Me – What?!?!?! Harry – I want to go to Botany Pool with 3 boys and we will all shit in it. Me – Harry! why are you saying that? Harry – Because i want to shit in it. Me – You want to shit in a pool?? Harry – NO! i just want to shit in it. (I think he meant SIT in it??) _________________________________________________(Changing Harry’s nappy.)
Me – One day you’ll be a big man, you will have your own house and your own little boys, you will be a dad.
Harry – Did you wash my balls?
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Ryan – Harry hit me. Me – Harry did you hit Ryan Harry- Yes. Me – Say sorry to Ryan please. Harry – Sorry bullshit. Ryan – Mum, Harry said fuck. Me – No, he didn’t but Harry you can’t say that, say sorry properly. Ryan – Well he said bullshit and it’s the same. Harry – This is bullshit. _________________________________________________
Ryan – Harry, do you like my butt?
Harry – no.
(Ryan bends over and sticks his bum in Harry’s face)
Ryan – How about now? do you like it now?
(Harry inspects Ryan’s butt closely,)
Harry – No.
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Me – So boys, what did you do at school today? Ryan – I made a butterfly! Harry – I did a fart. _________________________________________________Me – Hey Ryan, how bout you be a big boy and put those things away?
Ryan – Or how bout you be a big boy and put them away and I will be a little boy?
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Ryan – Mum I’ve looked everywhere, I can’t find Mr Potato Head’s penis. Me – Ryan, Mr Potato Head doesn’t have a penis. (A few days later) Ryan – Mum! I found his penis! I knew he came with one! Me – That’s called a mustache… _________________________________________________
Me – Ryan is there a reason you keep kicking me?
Ryan – I’m not!
Me – What do you mean your not?
Ryan – I’m patting you with my leg!
_________________________________________________ Ryan- Mum what are those? (points to my face) Me- Eyebrows. Ryan- Harry has some too. Me – So do you, everyone has them. Ryan- (crying) Don’t say that mum! I don’t want them! I do not have any! Me- Look in the mirror Ryan – Oh….. Yeah _________________________________________________Me – Harry have you done a poo?
Harry – No.
Me – Are you sure?
Harry – I didn’t do a poo.
Me – Come here and let me check your nappy.
Harry – You can’t, you might get poo on your fingers.
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Me – Ryan did you fart? Ryan – Yeah. Me – That stinks. Ryan – Yeah? well just don’t smell it then. ________________________________________________Harry- I want my bottle.
Me- Ok. I’m driving, just wait till we get home.
Harry- I can’t find it, where’s my bottle.
Me- I don’t know, just wait.
Harry – Oh … (In a surprised voice) it was in my hand …
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Me – Harry, you need a haircut, would you like to get one today? Harry – Yes. Me- Should we see if Megan can cut it? Harry – No, I want to go to the haircut shop. Me – The barber? Harry – What’s the barber? Me- It’s a haircut shop, where a man cuts your hair. Harry- Oh no I need a girl!! ________________________________________________Walking along the street while the boys rode their bikes.
Me – Hurry up, let’s get home I need to pee.
Ryan – Just pull your pants down Mum, there’s some bushes. ( points into someone’s front lawn)
_________________________________________________ Me – Ryan if you don’t pick up your toys I will throw them out. Ryan – Can you get my hat out of the car on your way to the bin?
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My favorite: The Botany Pool. LOL
#1 is hilarious. Love the rationale there!